Tuesday, June 30, 2015
In college, there is just this huge pressure to get involved and go do stuff. In high school, there was some of that pressure, but it wasn't as bad as in college. In high school, you could just choose some fun electives and that was about it in terms of getting involved. In college, if you don't get involved, it's almost like, "What are you doing with your life?" I have the perfect example of this. My first semester I didn't really do much, I just kinda got the feel for college. Then my second semester rolls around and my friend decides she wants to rush a sorority and wants me to do it with her. She somewhat sprung this decision on me, so I told her to find sororities that I might like, and I would reach out to them and see about rushing later. I reached out to one sorority and they told me to rush in the fall, but a few weeks later got back to me and said that they had room for more girls and would love to meet with me and talk. I ended up talking with two girls and they offered me a bid the next day. Deep down, I knew I didn't really want to join a sorority, but I figured that I would join and hopefully change my mind. So I accepted the bid and joined four weeks into the semester. Now, I normally do not like jumping into things right away, I like to ease in and get a feel for everything. But college is the time for stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things. I just went along with everything, but there were still hesitations in the back of my mind. I went to the first new member meeting and all the girls were welcoming, but that was about it. I didn't feel this huge connection. Plus, these girls had four weeks on me of getting to know one another and the rest of the girls in the sorority. I always have been shy and kept to myself, and I thought that joining the sorority would change that and I would be able to make so many friends and start making the college experience that I wanted. Boy, was I wrong. As I previously mentioned, all these girls had four weeks on me, so they had all already created their friendship bonds, some that intimidated me and some that I knew I wouldn't get with these girls. So I accepted that and moved on, hoping to find my place within the sorority. As time went on, I just found it harder and harder to go to the required events. I had no motivation to go. Why would I want to go somewhere that I didn't feel happy? I kept telling myself to give it time and things would get better, but they never did. I finally met one girl that I had some common likes with, so we became friends. Then, shortly after, we got our bigs in the sorority, and that made me happy because I knew that I was getting someone who could hopefully change my outlook on the sorority since it wasn't looking too good. I got the girl I wanted and the friend that I made was part of our family. That was the happiest I was in the sorority. Then I really started to notice that I wasn't as happy as I thought I should be. I was using the two friends that I had as my "comfort blanket," meaning that I wouldn't do anything unless they were there. What kind of experience would I get if I just kept following these two girls around? They also had their own group of friends within the sorority, and I again felt out of place because I would never have the same bonds as the rest of the girls do. So finally I decided that I just couldn't do this anymore. I was tired of being somewhere that didn't make me happy. I was tired of feeling out of place and alone in a group of girls that were supposedly the friendliest girls. Nobody really went out of their way to talk to me, but I never did either. I just knew that the sorority wasn't the place for me, and the more I think about it and look back on it, I never really wanted to join in the first place. So now I am getting out of it, and I know that this is the best decision for me. I'm not going to spend the rest of my time in college not being happy. After coming to this decision, I felt lighter, knowing that I no longer have to go do things that I don't want to do. But now I am back to where I was at the start of my second semester, what do I do? I see people tweeting about parties or hanging out with their friends that they have made. I've made a few friends outside the sorority, but they both have their own thing to do. I just don't want to go through college and not make any friends. So for now, I am just enjoying the rest of my summer before school starts up and I go back to school and try and find where I belong. I know that I belong somewhere on campus, I just have to go find it.